Just Tonight
by Aroundthepen
Summary: Destiel drabble. Not a real plot, just a random little thought.


Dean knew he was drunk all right. He usually was these days. But the thing that surprised him most, was the fact that tonight it wasn't Sammy picking him up from the bar. Sam wasn't the one who had to shoo the girls away, off Dean's lap. Sam wasn't the one to pry the shot glass from Dean's tight grip. Sam wasn't the one to pay the barista. And Sam certainly wasn't the one in the driver's seat of the Impala.

"Thanks, man," Dean managed. His words were slurred and he could barely string them together, but he was determined to get the message across. He couldn't let it go unsaid.

Cas nodded but didn't say a word. He was staring stonily ahead, his knuckles white on the steering wheel. His jaw was set hard and no emotion was showing. He was mad.

Dean knew he was mad. Whenever he found Dean in a situation like this, he was always mad. Like Dean was throwing his life away or some shit. And ever since Cas fell he had found Dean like this more than he had expected to.

Dean didn't know anymore. And he definitely didn't care. No, his life had been thrown away the moment he ran outside the burning house with little Sammy in his arms.

This was why Sammy usually picked him up. He wouldn't get mad, and he wouldn't tell Cas. Sammy would understand Dean's way of numbing the pain. Sammy would understand why Dean had to lie and drink and pass out and distract himself.

Still, this Cas kind of hurt.

"Dude—"

"Let's just get home Dean, okay?"

The words were ice-cold and razor-sharp. Each one felt like a slap to Dean. Cas had never spoken to him like this before. Not with … blatant disappointment. And something more, but in Dean's intoxicated state, he couldn't quite place it. But it was something important anyway.

So he sat quietly in silence. He could feel the tension though, he could have cut it with a knife. Dean knew it was his fault that Cas was mad, but he couldn't understand why. He was mad a lot these days. Dean just assumed he was taking his anger at being human out on him.

A few minutes later the Impala stopped in the parking lot of a shabby motel. Neither moved to get out.

"Dean," started Cas. He turned to look at him now, something blazing in his eyes. Dean thought it was just him being furious, but the longer he looked, the less he was convinced. "Dean, I'd like you to please take better care of yourself sometimes. Drinking this much isn't going to make saving the world any easier."

He started to get out before Dean grabbed his coat and yanked him back beside him. He forced Cas to look at him. They were practically nose to nose. It was a little close for comfort but Dean didn't care anymore. Not in that moment.

Breaths grew shallow and Cas started to protest but Dean cut him off.

"I'm sorry Cas. I am, really. But you still see hope in this world, in heaven. The tiniest ray. I lost mine a long time ago. And then the angels fell and honestly, things can only get much worse from here. I don't know about you but I say we're screwed. Only two things are keeping me going at this point. Sammy and—"

He faltered.

Cas looked at him expectantly, not understanding that Dean was intoxicated and that he wouldn't have said a word if he wasn't.

"And what, Dean?" asked Cas, a little emotion creeping into his voice.

Dean stared into Cas's eyes for a long time. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours, he'd never know. He said nothing. Their breaths were mixing and Dean could barely hold himself back those few inches. He started to lean, started to throw it all away—

Cas cleared his throat and his face settled back into its expressionless self. He got out of the car without a word and walked into their motel room, leaving Dean to think about what had just happened.

Something clicked in Dean's head. The other emotion in Cas's eyes was neither a form of anger or disappointment. It was hurt. Cas was hurt with what Dean was doing. Why he was hurt, Dean had no idea, but it was too late and he was too drunk to figure it out.

Dean dragged himself out of the Impala and into the room. He glanced at Cas's turned back before falling onto his own bed.

Soon enough, he fell asleep to Sammy's snores.


End file.
